RED SYMBOLIZES BLOOD=PAIN

My stomach is fat and that's whack. I want to know how to get it back. I try to move up and go down then I begin to have a frown. I feel like smokin weed but what's the need what about my seed. They say no pain no gain but my stomach is really a strain. I feel tense anger like I'm a stranger. My stomach is like a mind in a bind. It gets so tight but its out of sight. It feels like a contraction but its a distraction that causes a reaction. I get distress while trying to process I go to recess and digress and get stressed. Tears coming down my face I feel like its in a race and the fear is trying to be traced. I'm trying to erase the past and that's a blast that continues to last. I feel like a loner in a coner I'm tired of being mean but that's all I know it seems. I wish when I was raped it was taped. I'm scared of how I feel because I dont know how to deal. Sometimes being a victim of abuse its like whats the use of trying to cope, when everyone around you is saying nope. I tried to be accepted and was rejected. While trying to be someone else I learned to be myself. When I cut I cry and ask Why? My mother took diet pills so that's why I dont feel. She wanted me ill and thats the deal. I feel like the more I do the more I dont and I probably wont . I feel defeat so I dont eat. I dont trust because I bust. I tried to hang but it wasnt a bang. i tried the bridge and here comes the crew asking what did they do. Took the pills it made me ill. Have tried to give up but feel like I have to live up to a standard I tried to take mylast breath through death but my stomach is pumping blood like a flood. It has feelings that need dealings . I have to stop shutting down and frowning . I feel like if i start it will become tart. It will be sour in a hour. I have hate with no mate I feel no one can relate. I was told it was all my brain but its really a strain and i need a drain. i was told to put it aside and let it ride but thats all still inside. I was told (Mel) my therapist to explain the feelings in my stomach..I came up with this..My stoamch is my holding cell everything sits there. My session on Wednesday was one of the best I didnt shut down for the first time in a long time and allowed myself to cry and explain exactly how I feel..I am coming out of this