Grief and Loss

I haven't written a post in a week. I have been so depressed and down. I was loosing hope and tired of fighting to survive and be a warrior. I have been suffering from the OCD and it has been causing major stress. I feel like I need to remove myself from my family. My mother totally depends on me and thinks that I am supposed to pay her bills but yet when I needed her to protect me from her husband and others in the family she didn't she took up for them. I have been having flashbacks about the abuse with panic attacks and everything. I feel stuck because she is my mother. She tries to make me feel bad for not helping her out. My father and grandfather both died nine months apart and I am really starting to grieve. My grandfather was my support in everything that I do and he didnt allow others to bother me. My daughter is getting ready to go back to school and I have to take care of her. She has no one but me. Her dad moved away and he dont care about her. I barely get any child support for her. Life sucks right now but I am trying to make the best of it and not give in. I am just tired as Cassandra said in her blog that definitely related to me. I feel like I am set apart from others because of things that I have been through. I am so unhappy with my weight and accomplishements. I am having a birthday in a couple weeks but I dont want to celebrate.