I'm Back

It has been a long time since I have posted. I had a birthday and it was one of the best that I have had in years. I have been feeling really depressed lately with little energy. I have been working long hours trying to fight back the tears and pain that I feel inside. I've been having flashbacks and I remembered when I was little and how some of my female cousins started messing with me. I thought that it was normal but guess what now i know it's not. I have been down in the dumps and it is hard to explain to people whi have never witnessed rape, pain or suffering. My mother still puts men before her children and it sucks. I am trying to accept the fact that she is not going to ever change. My mother is a diabetic and has been in a coma the dr gave her 8 hours to live and she survived but sometimes I feel like God gave her a second chance to be a better mom and that hasnt happened so I dont know what to expect of her. I love her so much and want something that will never be. It is so sad how the little child in me works. I am technically an adult but inside I am a little innocent child. On my birthday my mother was the last person to call and acknowledge that was the date she brought me into this world. She didnt get me anything but I wasnt hurt because she never gets me anything. I didnt get her anything for her birthday this year because I am tired of feeling used.